Relationships

Relationships are an important part of life.

Why write about relationships?  Easy!  They are the foundation of everything we are and do.  We live, work, play, and engage in everything in relationships.  Relationships are the reason we experience joy, pain, sadness and even get our very existence from them.  In this article I want to introduce you to some of the most important websites on relationships and how you can understand why you want them so much!

Relationships

We spend a lot of time thinking and worrying about relationships.  One of the number one posts on Reddit is the relationships post.  You can read about it here.  People spend a lot of energy wondering of they can find, keep, and grow a healthy relationship.  I want to tell you yes! you can if you know some of the basics of how to create, nurture, and flourish in your relationships.

We need relationships.

According to Help-guide, relationships are something we need in our life. This is why we spend so much time worrying about them.  If you know how to have a successful relationship, you can succeed in life.  The most important thing you will do in your life is choosing a partner.  Why not follow some guidelines for what makes a successful relationship before you get into trouble in one that just happened?  If you follow my advice, you can almost guarantee you will pick a great partner.

So, let me give you some starters for developing a great relationship.

1 – Begin them with your goal in mind.

Often we start our relationship accidentally.  While many romantic movies make it look like that is the only way to begin one, you might want to consider other methods.  What are the qualities you are looking for in a mate?  What things are deal breakers?  Deciding these before you get too deep in a relationship can save a lot of pain and failure.  It is easy to fall in love, but if you have not fallen in love with someone you can live with, then it will lead to heartbreak and pain.  Avoid this by being picky when you choose your partner.  Not selfish picky, like looks or money, but compatibility picky.  Make sure they are going the same way you are going.  The things you are passionate about need to line up with what they are passionate about or can live with.

It is easy to fall in love, but if you have not fallen in love with someone you can live with, then it will lead to heartbreak and pain.  Avoid this by being picky when you choose your partner.  Not selfish picky, like looks or money, but compatibility picky.  Make sure they are going the same way you are going.  The things you are passionate about need to line up with what they are passionate about or can live with.

Example: If you must live in a big city, don’t get serious with someone who has to live on a farm.  In the end, one of you will feel trapped.  Keep in mind that we all have things we “must” have in our lives and things that are optional.  If you must live in a big city, or even a certain city, make sure your partner at least doesn’t mind living there.

Do this with ALL of your major issues early on.  Things like lifestyle, children, finances, and family all should be discussed early on with a potential partner.

2- Keep dating after you get married.

You loved that car the minute you saw it.  It was perfect.  The color was just what you wanted.  The trim was exactly the shade you favor.  The engine was so shiny and ready to take you to your favorite spot.  You knew everyone would watch you going down the road in your car and envy you.  So you bought it.  you got in and started driving.  Soon a little light came on.  You wondered what that meant, but not enough to pull over and look it up in your book.  You had somewhere to go with your perfect car.  And then it happened.  you ran out of gas.  Stupid car!  you were perfect and now, look at you!  You can’t do anything!

See the connection?  When we think we’ve found our “soulmate” (a term I recommend you don’t use btw), we tend to get lazy.  We tend to not fill up the gas tank, change the oil, rotate the tires.  Relationships are worth the work it takes to maintain them. Our partnership needs regular maintenance to keep it healthy and growing.

I wrote a post about this here, but let’s spend a little time discussing this. You need to date and flirt like you did when you met.  It doesn’t matter if you have been married 2 weeks or 40 years, you have to keep building your bond together.  Nothing stays the same.  Your relationship will either grow or shrink.  Taking time to be with each other will ensure it continues to grow.

3- Never give up. Fight to keep your relationship strong.

One of the things I do to keep my relationship strong is research.  There are lots of great articles on how to grow, understand, and help your partner.  One of the places I go to for information is the relationship page for Psychology Today.

From time to time relationships run into trouble.  Web MD has a great little article on solutions to your relationship problems here.  Notice the number one problem they list is communication.  Ultimately, all relationships are about is communication, from the first conversation to intimacy.  Make sure you develop good communication habits in your relationship.  I wrote about them in this post here.

So, while this article is just the beginning of how to understand great relationships, it will get  you started down a path to success.  We live in an emotional world that puts feelings ahead of good decisions sometimes.  While it may be tempting to let your heart do all of your talking, taking a minute and thinking about your relationship and how you want it to end up will save you a lot of heartaches.

You have the power to create the relationship you want.  If you get yourself healthy before you focus on a relationship, you will attract a healthy person.  A relationship can last a lifetime if you build it to last that long.  Shortcuts will usually end up making for an unhealthy relationship or will lead to ending it.  Making a few decisions about how you want to build your relationship now is the same as planning making relationships great!your education.  Take the right set of courses and you end up with a degree.

I hope you find the relationship you want, and it turns out to be the best decision of your life!

 

So get out there and-

Make YOUR Relationships GREAT!

Dr. Mike