How to Love Someone with Quality Time

How to Love Someone with Quality Time

Dr. Gary Chapman is his book The Five Love Languages, discusses how we all like to give and receive love in 5 specific ways.  Many of my readers have asked me to explain how to love someone in their love language.  If you don’t know what your love language is, or your partners start by going to Dr. Chapman’s site and take the test. This fourth article will help you love someone with Quality Time as their love language.

love someone with quality time

I started going shopping with my wife on Saturday afternoons.  Not because I really want to go.  I would much rather watch a football game or hang out at the house.  I go because I am showing her love the way SHE recognizes it.  Her secondary love language is quality time.  Going shopping with her fills her love tank and lets her know that just “hanging out” with her is worth missing a game on TV.  When you love someone with quality time, you don’t have to do anything expensive or super creative.  They just want your presence and proximity to them.  Sure, depending on their other love language you might have a conversation, hold hands, or serve them, but just being there means a lot to people with this love language.

In this post, I want to give you 3 ways on how to love someone with quality time.

How to Love Someone with Quality Time:

love someone with quality time1 – It’s about doing it TOGETHER (not what you are doing).

The biggest mistake I hear about with this love language is people want to do something special.  If you have this love language, you don’t care what you are doing, just that you are doing it together.  You can wash dishes, do laundry, go for a walk or any seemingly boring task and the person with this love language will enjoy the time with you.  They just want you there with them.

I was told by a student that their father reads the paper every morning in a room their mother is doing crafts.  Every morning.  No words are spoken, just his presence in her work room.  She loves it, because he is “hanging out”.

You can find many things to just “hang out” together.  Look for opportunities to be in their space.

love someone with quality time2 – It’s about being WITH them (not them doing what you want to do).

I know a guy who wanted his wife to go fishing with him.  He thought that would be “quality time”.  She went when they were dating, but quit after they were married.  He thought she enjoyed their time together, but he did not spend time doing anything she wanted to do. Shopping and going out were “not fun”. So he didn’t go.  Soon, they quit being together at all and the relationship ruptured.

Quality time is about them doing something they want to do or have to do.  They may choose to “hang out” with you to love you, but if you want them to feel loved, you have to choose their time, not invite them into yours.

love someone with quality time3 – It’s about FOCUS (not about length of time).

Most mornings my wife and I have a cup of coffee in our living room together.  It can last from 10 minutes to an hour.  We are both on our iPads, reading and engaging online.  We don’t say much, but we are doing something together.  The length of time doesn’t matter.

People who struggle to love their partners with this love language usually think it will take up all their time.  It doesn’t have to.  Just be fully present for a length of time.  If you are itching to get it over with, the other person will see that and not feel the “quality” time.  Focus on what you are doing!

love someone with quality time4 – It’s about loving THEM (so ask them if you are doing it right).

If you don’t have this love language, you probably don’t fully grasp how to love someone with it.  When non-English speakers try to speak English – it can be funny.  The unusual pronunciations and irregular verbs make English hard to grasp for someone who doesn’t know it very well.  Quality time can also be like this.

This love language requires more feedback than most of the others.  Feel free to ask your partner or friend if they are enjoying the time you are spending with them.  It might take a bit of tweaking to let them feel the “quality” in the time you are investing.

So, let’s review:

How to Love Someone with Quality Time:

1 – It’s about doing it TOGETHER (not what you are doing).

2 – It’s about being WITH them (not them doing what you want to do).

3 – It’s about FOCUS (not about length).

4 – It’s about loving THEM (so ask them if you are doing it right).

If you really want to love someone, you will make the adjustments to let them feel loved in their love language.  This language can be done DURING activities that engage the other love languages.  Having a good conversation, helping with a chore, or even holding their hand on the couch can make this a 2-1 time and connect at even deeper levels.

To Read more about the other 4 Love languages click on the links below:

Words of Affirmation

mike hattabaugh relationshipsActs of Service

Giving and Receiving Gifts

So get out there and-

Make YOUR Relationships GREAT!

Dr. Mike

Want more help connecting with your partner’s love language? Consider a valuable coaching session with Dr. Hattabaugh!   Schedule a   LIVE relationship coaching session HERE!

 

The Love Language of Words

The Love Language of Words

Dr. Gary Chapman is his book The Five Love Languages, discusses how we all like to give and receive love in 5 specific ways.  Many of my readers have asked me to explain how to love someone in their love language.  If you don’t know what your love language is, or your partners start by going to Dr. Chapman’s site and take the test. This first article will help you love someone with words of affirmation. The love language of words.

Love Language of Words

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How to have the MOST romantic sex

How to have the MOST romantic sex.

It’s been a wild ride.  100 years ago, sex was mostly about procreation and was mostly driven by a man’s drive.  I don’t want to go back to that era.

have the most romantic sex

However, with the “sexual revolution” we have gone to places no one back then could even imagine.  When barriers come down, they come down hard.  When curtains fall, we are often witness to things that we didn’t want to see.

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Painful.  I had already read it when my wife sent it to me as well.  This issue must really resonate with women! Some women it seems are becoming frustrated with society and it’s demand for more exotic and erotic sex.

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My Best Advice on Sex, Relationships, and Marriage

My Best Advice on Sex, Relationships, and Marriage

Sex is easy.  My dog can have sex.  Sexual Intimacy is hard, but everything meaningful is hard.

Advice on Sex, Relationships, and Marriage

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5 amazing sex tips for married couples will make you blush

5 amazing sex tips for married couples will make you blush

Marriage creates a different atmosphere for intimacy that much of our culture ignores.  I’m here to help!  Looking to rekindle the fire this week?  Here are 5 amazing sex tips for married couples that will make you blush.

sex tips for married couples

Tip #1 – Whisper something erotic into their ear.

Great sex starts with flirting.

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One Daring Trick to Make Your Partner Delightful

One Daring Trick to Make Your Partner Delightful

It’s the holy grail of relationships.

One Daring Trick to Make Your Partner Delightful

People who discover and actually use this trick will see the most improvement of ANY of the things couples can do to be better communicators.  It’s a simple trick, but most people don’t actually think of it when they have communication issues with their partner.  You need to know the one daring trick to make your partner delightful.

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3 Reasons Relationship Coaching Makes Your Life Better

3 Reasons Relationship Coaching makes your life better

Do you find yourself making the same mistakes and having the same arguments over and over in your relationship? Do you wish you had some clear answers on how to solve a recurring problem in your relationship/marriage?  Ever wonder if the advice you get from someone is really good or just what they would do?  If you have any of these questions, my new relationship coaching may be right for you. I know that relationship coaching makes your life better!

Relationship Coaching makes your life better

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and how you can improve your marriage as well.

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Cancer Made My Marriage Better

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