How to Love Someone with Quality Time

How to Love Someone with Quality Time

Dr. Gary Chapman is his book The Five Love Languages, discusses how we all like to give and receive love in 5 specific ways.  Many of my readers have asked me to explain how to love someone in their love language.  If you don’t know what your love language is, or your partners start by going to Dr. Chapman’s site and take the test. This fourth article will help you love someone with Quality Time as their love language.

love someone with quality time

I started going shopping with my wife on Saturday afternoons.  Not because I really want to go.  I would much rather watch a football game or hang out at the house.  I go because I am showing her love the way SHE recognizes it.  Her secondary love language is quality time.  Going shopping with her fills her love tank and lets her know that just “hanging out” with her is worth missing a game on TV.  When you love someone with quality time, you don’t have to do anything expensive or super creative.  They just want your presence and proximity to them.  Sure, depending on their other love language you might have a conversation, hold hands, or serve them, but just being there means a lot to people with this love language.

In this post, I want to give you 3 ways on how to love someone with quality time.

How to Love Someone with Quality Time:

love someone with quality time1 – It’s about doing it TOGETHER (not what you are doing).

The biggest mistake I hear about with this love language is people want to do something special.  If you have this love language, you don’t care what you are doing, just that you are doing it together.  You can wash dishes, do laundry, go for a walk or any seemingly boring task and the person with this love language will enjoy the time with you.  They just want you there with them.

I was told by a student that their father reads the paper every morning in a room their mother is doing crafts.  Every morning.  No words are spoken, just his presence in her work room.  She loves it, because he is “hanging out”.

You can find many things to just “hang out” together.  Look for opportunities to be in their space.

love someone with quality time2 – It’s about being WITH them (not them doing what you want to do).

I know a guy who wanted his wife to go fishing with him.  He thought that would be “quality time”.  She went when they were dating, but quit after they were married.  He thought she enjoyed their time together, but he did not spend time doing anything she wanted to do. Shopping and going out were “not fun”. So he didn’t go.  Soon, they quit being together at all and the relationship ruptured.

Quality time is about them doing something they want to do or have to do.  They may choose to “hang out” with you to love you, but if you want them to feel loved, you have to choose their time, not invite them into yours.

love someone with quality time3 – It’s about FOCUS (not about length of time).

Most mornings my wife and I have a cup of coffee in our living room together.  It can last from 10 minutes to an hour.  We are both on our iPads, reading and engaging online.  We don’t say much, but we are doing something together.  The length of time doesn’t matter.

People who struggle to love their partners with this love language usually think it will take up all their time.  It doesn’t have to.  Just be fully present for a length of time.  If you are itching to get it over with, the other person will see that and not feel the “quality” time.  Focus on what you are doing!

love someone with quality time4 – It’s about loving THEM (so ask them if you are doing it right).

If you don’t have this love language, you probably don’t fully grasp how to love someone with it.  When non-English speakers try to speak English – it can be funny.  The unusual pronunciations and irregular verbs make English hard to grasp for someone who doesn’t know it very well.  Quality time can also be like this.

This love language requires more feedback than most of the others.  Feel free to ask your partner or friend if they are enjoying the time you are spending with them.  It might take a bit of tweaking to let them feel the “quality” in the time you are investing.

So, let’s review:

How to Love Someone with Quality Time:

1 – It’s about doing it TOGETHER (not what you are doing).

2 – It’s about being WITH them (not them doing what you want to do).

3 – It’s about FOCUS (not about length).

4 – It’s about loving THEM (so ask them if you are doing it right).

If you really want to love someone, you will make the adjustments to let them feel loved in their love language.  This language can be done DURING activities that engage the other love languages.  Having a good conversation, helping with a chore, or even holding their hand on the couch can make this a 2-1 time and connect at even deeper levels.

To Read more about the other 4 Love languages click on the links below:

Words of Affirmation

mike hattabaugh relationshipsActs of Service

Giving and Receiving Gifts

So get out there and-

Make YOUR Relationships GREAT!

Dr. Mike

Want more help connecting with your partner’s love language? Consider a valuable coaching session with Dr. Hattabaugh!   Schedule a   LIVE relationship coaching session HERE!


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