For Me? – How to Love Someone with Gifts
Dr. Gary Chapman is his book The Five Love Languages, discusses how we all like to give and receive love in 5 specific ways. Many of my readers have asked me to explain how to love someone in their love language. If you don’t know what your love language is, or your partners start by going to Dr. Chapman’s site and take the test. This second article will help you love someone with Gifts as their love language.
Who doesn’t like to receive a gift? Do you care if you get the same thing as your siblings if you really like it? How about getting everyone you love a “little something” when you travel? What if choosing a gift had an emotional connection to it? These are all things that matter to someone with giving and receiving gifts as their love language.
So, just for clarification purposes, while we all like gifts, the person with this love language really is connected to the meaning of the gift and the love for the person who gave it/received it. They see a deeper connection to things.
How to love someone with gifts as their love language:
1 – Realize they have thought about YOU when they give you a gift.
Rejecting it means rejecting them. They really take it personally. If you receive a gift from them you don’t like, make sure you appreciate how thoughtful they were thinking of you. While no one gets every gift right, people with this love language spend extra time and effort to try to choose a gift for you. They need you to acknowledge their effort.
This is not my love language. I usually pick gifts based on what I would want. Not so for this love language. They might even keep a journal of what they have heard you say you wanted so they have a choice about what to get you. Especially if you don’t tell them what you want!
2 – Choose a gift that is JUST for them.
Remember getting the same gift as your sister? Did you care if it was something you wanted? People with this love language do! They want to know you thought of them when you bought it, but just giving the same thing to another person. Spend some time thinking about what they like and get them a gift that has meaning you can explain to them. They will LOVE you for it! BTW – Matching outfits is NOT their thing!
3 – They like including you when they buy something for themselves.
I love watching for this love language in my classes I teach. I hear this almost every week: “Hey, I’m going to get a candy bar downstairs, do you want one?” This is CLASSIC giving and receiving gifts language. They want to include you, even if it is the smallest of purchases.
Their thoughtfulness about small gifts will impress you once you recognize what they are doing. My middle daughter has this love language, and when she was smaller, I would make sure I always brought her something back from any trip I went on, even if it was the hotel shampoo. As long as she knew it was for her, and I didn’t give her brother and sister the same thing, she was good! Never underestimate the power of a small gift!
4 – When they ask you what you want, tell them!
Want to frustrate someone with this love language? Say “I don’t care” when they ask you what you want for your birthday. They can’t love you if you don’t tell them what you want. They feel shut down and can literally feel the pain of rejection. You need to help them love you by allowing them to know what you like, need, or want.
There are nuances with people who have this love language. I once worked for someone who would never let me buy lunch. Never! I finally did it by showing up 10 minutes early and giving the cashier my credit card before he got there. Some people with this love language only want to buy things for others and won’t let you buy anything for them. Once you know that this is their love language, you can surprise them with gifts even when they have told you they don’t want them. I know they really do!
So, those were some ideas on how to love someone with gifts. Remember that accepting their “language” of love is just as important as loving them!
To Read more about the other 4 Love languages click on the links below:
So get out there and-
Make YOUR Relationships GREAT!
Want help connecting with your partner’s love language? I can help with relationship coaching! Schedule a LIVE relationship coaching session HERE!