How to love Someone with acts of service
“Don’t tell me you love me, show me!”
Dr. Gary Chapman is his book The Five Love Languages, discusses how we all like to give and receive love in 5 specific ways. Many of my readers have asked me to explain how to love someone in their love language. If you don’t know what your love language is, or your partners start by going to Dr. Chapman’s site and take the test. This second article will help you love someone with acts of service.
I had a long day. I wanted to come home and hear my wife tell me she loved me and give me a hug. Instead, I had to search for her. She was in the kitchen, supper was on the stove, and she was washing dishes.
If that sounds like you, you probably have Acts of Service as your love language. If you wanted the hug, a gift, or time, you need to read this article! It will help you love people with Acts of service as their love language.
There are 2 really important issues when you want to love someone who’s love language is Acts of Service. These issues can make a person with this love language feel hurt if you do not understand what they are all about.
Issue One – Try to acknowledge what they do for you.
Many of the things people with acts of service do get overlooked. Cooking, cleaning, maintaining a car, care when you are sick, and other things that get done on a regular basis are easy to not appreciate. While they may not be things you would want appreciation for, giving a person with this love language recognition will put a smile on their face!
Make a list of the things someone does for you. Ask yourself if you have really thanked them for it. I have had many students over the years in tears when they realized this is how their father showed them love. It can be a humbling experience, but it’s never too late to go back and tell them thank you.
Issue Two – Let them serve you.
We are taught to “do it ourself.” I will never forget the conversation I had with a man who adored his wife. This is his love language and she was chronically ill. With great pain he described to me how she would not let him serve her, even telling him she hated it. Her actions told him she didn’t love him the way he needed love.
I’m guessing many of us have not allowed someone to love us with an act of service. Once you identify your partner or family member as having this love language, let them serve you! They really want to love you this way.
Many professions are geared to this love language. Nurses, police, fire, and other jobs all can be very satisfying careers for people who like to serve. If your spouse is always serving others and you feel like there is no time for you, a great conversation to have with them is that you don’t feel like you are getting their acts of service. If you really want their time, gifts, or another love language, use theirs to communicate a more empathetic message. Which leads me to how to love someone with acts of service.
3 Ways to love someone with acts of service.
One – Make a list of the things they like done that you do faster and/or better than they do.
If you can do something they do all the time, like cook, clean, mow the yard, or any number of activities then do it for them when you can. Now, don’t take away something they love to do. Do something that will give them more time or energy to enjoy doing something else.
Two – Do things you know they hate to do.
It makes my wife’s day when I do the dishes without being asked. She feels loved in a way that telling her doesn’t. When you do something without being asked, they know you are thinking about them and will really love that you have “spoken” their love language.
If you don’t know what they don’t like to do, ask them. It could be running errands. It could be paying the bills online. It could be talking with your family. Whatever it is, try to find creative ways to do it for them.
Three – Don’t take advantage of them.
Many people with this love language, including my wife, will serve until they collapse. I wish I could say I have not taken advantage of my wife, but I would be lying. Especially in the early days of our marriage, I was not appreciative of how much she did for me. She still does way too much.
When I jump in and help do chores, she loves the company. When I see that she is exhausted and give her a massage, she is appreciative. Just know I am aware of her ability to overwork herself allows her to trust that I won’t let her do too much.
Again, communication is the key to understanding what they need. Have a conversation about the things that makes your partner feel overwhelmed. Make a day where you agree to rest from the day to day activities and not feel pressure to serve.
I am grateful for people who have this love language. I am served every day by a wife who still does too much. I see people at jobs that are always doing more than their fair share. I know people who take advantage of people with this love language. If you become more aware of what they do for you, acknowledge it, then see where you can love them back, they will know they are loved!
To Read more about the other 4 Love languages click on the links below:
So get out there and-
Make YOUR Relationships GREAT!
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