The Love Language of Words
Dr. Gary Chapman is his book The Five Love Languages, discusses how we all like to give and receive love in 5 specific ways. Many of my readers have asked me to explain how to love someone in their love language. If you don’t know what your love language is, or your partners start by going to Dr. Chapman’s site and take the test. This first article will help you love someone with words of affirmation. The love language of words.
This is my primary love language. I LOVE to use words to encourage and I love when people encourage me. Words matter to me. While I tell my wife “I love you” more than she does, I love it when she takes the time to say it. A written note from her is very powerful and cherished. I think I have kept every card and letter she has ever written me. If you have someone with this love language, you need to do some specific things to convey love and encouragement to them.
When your spouse has this love language, you need to understand that words matter to them. Words may be cheap to those without this love language, but for those with it, words carry emotional meaning. To be told something is real and impactful. The person with this love language wants verbal encouragement. They also want to use words to encourage you.
Here are 6 specific ways you need to connect with your partner whose love language is Words of Affirmation:
1 – Realize words REALLY mean something to them.
They may not mean much to you. In fact, for those without this love language, words are cheap. Throw away. My wife has a saying: “Don’t tell me you love me, show me!” While that is great for her love language of Acts of Service, it is painful for me to adhere to. My words really matter when I say them. Even if you don’t appreciate the power of their words, at least acknowledge to them that you know they are important to them.
2- NEVER treat their words as meaningless.
I have counseled many couples that have made the mistake of not appreciating the others love language. Even if words don’t mean much to you, realize verbalizing that to them is VERY painful. When you treat your partner’s love language with great care, you let them feel loved.
If you get tired of words, it is ok to ask for a break. Just don’t tell them their words don’t matter. You will keep them from sharing their most important love language with you. This could lead to bitterness and anger on their part. Instead, try to understand how powerful their words are to them.
3- Write to them as much as possible.
Get a blank card for their birthday and tell them how you feel about them. Leave them a note in their suitcase when they go out of town. Whisper in their ear something sexy.
Words connect to them in powerful ways. While at first it might seem contrived to do some of these things, over time you will realize how important it is to them, and begin doing them a bit easier.
4 – Expand your vocabulary.
My wife hates for me to say something is “fine”. People with this love language love for you to be descriptive and detailed with your words. If the supper they made was great, say something like: “Supper was amazing, and I can’t wait to have it again!” Describing your positive experience and conveying your desire to have more will not only make them feel loved but also encourage their actions.
5 – Translate their words to your love language.
If words are not your thing, take their words and think about what they would be if you were showing love. This one can be a bit tricky, but with a little thought, you can start to engage your own “love language” from your partner. So, if they tell you they love you, and your love language is physical touch, close your eyes and let those words “wrap” themselves around you. If your love language is gifts, wrap the words in your mind and unwrap them.
6- Find ways to use words when you connect with them in your love language.
Most signs in airports are in at least 2 languages. Your love communication should be multi-lingual as well. This may seem difficult, but with a little creativity, you can connect your love language with theirs.
Here is an example using each love language:
Acts of Service – Call your spouse and say “I just cleaned the bathroom for you because I love you!
Quality time – Don’t just hang out, have a conversation with your partner.
Giving and Receiving Gifts – Write a personal note and attach to a gift and tell your mate why you thought of them when you got them the gift.
Physical Touch – Spell out words on their arm as you sit together. Write “I love you!” Write “You make me feel alive!”
The more you connect your partner love’s language to yours, the more connected you will become. Learning to use more words when you communicate with them will become easier as you practice. Hopefully, they will also learn how to love you in your languages as well! The love language of words of affirmation impacts many relationships. Learning how to use words will strengthen and grow the two of you together.
So get out there and-
Make YOUR Relationships GREAT!
Want help connecting with your partner’s love language? I can help with relationship coaching! Schedule a LIVE relationship coaching session HERE!