How to Win a Girl’s Heart
At least once a month a guy wanders into my office to ask me a few questions. It usually goes something like: I really like this girl but she won’t have anything to do with me. What can I do? They are surprised when they find out most of what they do is actually turning her away. Have hope! Most guys have to learn how to get the girl of their dreams. I’m here to help! Follow these steps to win a girl’s heart.
Most girls can tell you their creepy guy story. The guy that tries too hard or tries to force himself on a girl. She is turned off by most of what a guy thinks works to get her. He is surprised when his determination and effort is not only turned away, but she tells him to leave her alone. FOREVER. Poor guy!
I am in the business of helping the guy get and keep the girl of his dreams. It’s not rocket science, but it does require doing some things that won’t make sense. Love is crazy!
The secret I know is our brain. You see we think others think like us. So, guys make the mistake of thinking a girl wants what he wants out of a relationship. A guy would love for a beautiful girl to stalk him. He would feel powerful. Women don’t want that! They want security – and the way most guys chase women scares them off. So, please follow along closely! I promise this works!
So, here goes – follow these steps and you can win her heart.
Step #1 – Let her go.
The old girl you have already tried and failed with. If you have already been turned away – this article is NOT for you. She is not going to see the light. You need to start over. I know it’s hard, but trust me, she is not going to suddenly see you in a new light.
The good news: There are 4 billion more girls in the world! I know she was “special”, but believe me, you can find another girl that will be even better!
Step #2 – Be a friend.
Good guys can’t play the wild guy card. Try if you want, but it doesn’t work. You have to not care to play the game that way. You don’t even want the girl that goes looking for him. If you are reading this blog, trust me, you can’t be that guy. You care too much. That leads us to plan B.
Plan be is be a great friend. Now, not the creepy, I want to hang out with you all the time friend. Be a real friend. Learn to be social with girls. Have conversations. Tell them how guys work. Be willing to support them when they need help. Have lots of girl “friends” and you will begin to notice that what you thought was the right girl might be different. Friendship lets you really get to know a woman and her to really know you. This is a key to finding a great partner!
Step #3 – Be Headed Somewhere
Guys think a girl wants to hear he only thinks about her. Don’t tell her that EVER! OK, maybe after you’ve been married for 10 years you can, but even if that is true – girls get freaked out when you only focus on them. That is definitely stalking behavior.
According to John Eldridge, in Wild at Heart, women are looking for a guy going somewhere and then joining him on that adventure. When you focus on her, she knows you aren’t going anywhere! You need a plan for your life and then find a girl that will join you in that plan. The point here is to focus on the rest of your life, not one girl. A relationship you have to give up everything else you desire for your life is not worth having.
Step #4 – Small baby steps in everything.
I remember my first date. I had thought of every possible thing that could happen including if she asked me to marry her. That didn’t happen, but then again I didn’t expect it to. As a matter of fact, the whole date didn’t go anything like I had created plans for. It ended with a pat on the cheek and a “You’re so sweet.”
The point here is guys can be intense. We get ahead of ourselves in lots of ways instead of just enjoying the process. it takes time to get to know someone. Take it! It takes a long time to trust someone and to be trusted. When you take your time to get to know her and let her get to know you, you can avoid surprises down the road.
Make yourself slow down.
Step #5 – Give her space
So, the relationship is going well you think and one day she tells you she needs some time to think about your relationship. To a guy, this is shocking and not really what you are expecting. It’s OK.
Hear me now – THIS IS A TEST. She really wants to think about it for a while.
She really wants to think about it for a while.
Hear me again – GIVE HER THE SPACE. Don’t call her. Don’t text her. Don’t “accidentally” drive by her house. It will drive you crazy, but trust me – the one way to guarantee she will want to end your relationship is to bother her.
Don’t call her. Don’t text her. Don’t “accidentally” drive by her house. It will drive you crazy, but trust me – the one way to guarantee she will want to end your relationship is to bother her.
One of the first signs of an abusive relationship is cutting off who your partner can hang out with. Letting her find her own space will either let her realize she misses you or (and bad for you) she doesn’t miss you. There is nothing you can do about that decision. There is nothing you CAN do about that decision. As bad as you want to “make” her like you, you can’t. She must decide.
If you stalk her though, her decision becomes easy. She will rightly see you as creepy and will run far away. When she asks for space – give it to her. BTW – this holds true for the rest of your relationship – even 30 years in.
Step #6 – Let her control the emotions of the relationship.
Women are naturally much better socially than men. They have social skills that are 2-20 years more advanced than men. They interact and as a general rule are more emotionally intelligent. Yes, ladies, you rock! (you are welcome)
Now, guys get into trouble when they don’t recognize the advanced social and emotional skills of a woman. By letting her control the emotional tone of your relationship, I mean let her decide when to use the word ‘love’ and how deep you share your feelings. Trust me, she will let you know when she is ready to hear your deepest secrets. If you share them too soon, you will run the risk of looking creepy again. By all means, share emotions with her, but let her set the pace.
Now, try them out!
As a disclaimer about ALL my advice on relationships, the above is generally true. It might be slightly different in your relationship. I can guarantee that most guys will improve their relationship skills if they follow the above advice, especially if they find the girl of their dreams!
OK, ladies – agree with me? Do you have something to add? Leave a comment below to help guys realize these steps are very important and help guys do what they need to do to find the girl of their dreams!
I just told a teenager about this article and he told me about a friend who is creeping a girl out right now! This happens every day in High Schools, Colleges, Churches and Businesses across the world. If you know a guy that needs to read this – PLEASE forward the link to them!
Here it is:
Copy it and send it to them. The girl they are stalking will thank you. If you are being stalked – DO NOT send him this link.
Have one of your friends send it. 😉
So get out there and-
Make YOUR Relationships GREAT!
Would you like me to help you personally improve your feedback? Schedule a LIVE relationship coaching session HERE!