Avoid Looking Like a Fool in Your Relationship

How to Avoid Looking Like a Fool in Your Relationship

It’s the end of the week, and you are so looking forward to a weekend with your partner.  You have imagined all week about your time with them.  You meet them to begin your time together, and……. fast forward:

avoid looking like a fool in your relationship

The weekend was a total wreck.  

Nothing went right.  You had all of these plans, and all you did was fight or be disappointed that they didn’t want to spend the time with you the way you wanted.

What happened?

YOU.  You created a plan in your head, with expectations, desires, and as 90% of do – you passive-aggressively tried to control what happened. It happens to every couple whether you are just a few months in or have been married for 30 years.

Your expectations didn’t lead to anything good – instead, you found conflict.

Here is how to avoid looking like a fool in your relationship BEFORE this happens.

1 – Tell your partner your plans BEFORE they begin.

For some reason, and this mostly refers to guys, we think keeping secrets about our plans creates good anticipation.  It usually doesn’t.  It usually creates stress on your partner to spring expectations on them last minute.  Telling them your plans leads to both of you knowing what is coming with less chance of it being disappointed when they reject your plan after you have made it.

2 – It’s OK if they don’t want to do it the way you planned.

If they don’t like your plan – ask them to help you make a better one that both of you can enjoy.  If you find yourself getting upset when they change the plan you have made – you need to look inside yourself and ask why.  Usually, it is because we want control NOT we want to make our partner happy.  If you want to look bad – this is a great way to do it.

If you plans are made about what you want to do – then it wasn’t about making them have a good time.  It was about YOU.  Great relationships are built on mutual decisions.  There are some things your partner doesn’t like doing, so don’t do them!  You can adjust to please them and find more joy in making them happy.

One of my favorite quotes is from Randy Pausch , author of The Last Lecture – he said he got married because he found someone who happiness was more important than his.

avoid looking like a fool in your relationship

This should frame your activities with your partner.  Now, if they don’t reciprocate, you need to find this out early on in your relationship, but I’ve never had to counsel a couple where both of them were trying to make the other happy.  Show me a frustrated relationship, and I will find at least one selfish person.

If you find yourself continuing to argue about what you are doing, I wrote about how to argue fairly here.

3- Remember it’s about being WITH them not what you are doing.

I have to admit, I’ve pouted a time or two over the years when I didn’t get my way.  I KNOW I looked like the fool way too mamaking relationships great!ny times to my wife.  This is not about getting this perfect.  It’s about making your relationship and LIFE better!  If you want to avoid looking like a fool in your relationship, you have to remember that the relationship is more important than your weekend.

So, take the long view about your time together – tell them your plan, be flexible, remember it’s about the relationship, not the plan.  Until next time-

Make YOUR Relationships GREAT!

Dr. Mike

How do you keep from looking like a fool in your relationship?  I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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