The ONE Thing about Relationships Everyone Says on Their Deathbed

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How do you want to be remembered?  I have talked with many people at the end of their life, some had lived great lives, some were much too short, and others had been wasted on selfish pursuits.  I heard this from all of them.  The one thing they have all said was: “I wish I had spent more time with someone I loved.”

It’s a new year, and I’m guessing you are charging into it with hopes and dreams.  Don’t miss the most important piece of your life.  Love somebody.  We all talk about love, but do you really know what actions you need to fully love someone?  Here are 3 actions you should do in order to love someone this year: Forgive, Give, and Bless.  Do these 3 things to show your love and I promise regardless of the year you have financially or career wise, you will be content.

1.      FORGIVE

Grant them the space to make mistakes and grace to be forgiven.  Forgive them when they don’t listen to you or respond in a way you don’t like.  Forgive the pain they have caused you.  We all end up hurting each other, and while sometimes boundaries need to be put up with those we love, we can always forgive them.  Uncover the past hurt they have made and let it go.  Most of our pain is spilled milk, with no lasting wounds. Forgive and forget this.  The wounds that left scars need healing to.  While the scar doesn’t go away, it does heal. Forgive the person for the scars you have from them.

Forgiveness is the antidote for bitterness that will bring the sweet spot in your relationship back. It will never be what it was, but it can be even more meaningful when we forgive.

2.      GIVE

Give them the opportunity to spend your time the way they want to.  Don’t demand they do what you want first.  Give.  Give them your heart.  Give them the BEST you have even if you feel like you don’t have much to give.  Give them the time to get to know you.  Give them words that build them up.  Give them thoughtful gifts that you choose not because of their value, but because it reminds you of them.

Give them space to be themselves.  Give them the opportunity to find the things that make them feel successful and alive. Give them an opportunity to discover their world and then the time tell you about it.

Give them your ear, listening to the things they want to say without interjecting your judgement or fixing their mistakes.  Give to them by serving them.  Do the things they dislike before they even ask. Give them joy by finding out what makes them happy and doing it with them. Give without expecting anything in return. Give because you love, not because you want to be loved.

3.      BLESS

Blessing is choosing them over others.  Unmerited favor.  Bless them by accepting them as they are and seeing them for what they can become.  Tell them you find them lovable when they can’t love themselves. Tell them they are your favorite lover, friend, shopper, traveler, worker, or mate.   Give them the very best things you can give – Time.

Bless them when they are struggling.  Celebrate them when they are doing well.  Bring them flowers ‘just because’.   Take time off from your job or hobby and give it to them.  Make sure everyone at their work knows you LOVE them.  Bring them lunch.  Embarrass them with your love (as long as it doesn’t make them upset).  Make sure everyone at your job knows how much you love them. Talk about them to your friends in ONLY positive terms. Then, when they meet them, they will tell them how much great things they have heard about them.

Be their bank for not only things, but encouragement, focus, empathy, respect, and love.  Let them have unlimited withdrawal slips.  Be the ATM for their heart.

For some of you guys this sounds a bit touchy/feeling.  It is! Your partner doesn’t expect you do all of it, but try some of it.  Emotions are what make us different from machines.  You were created to have them and express them.  You effort is usually more important than the skill you have doing it.  Ask them to help you find the ways that connect with them.

Start with your spouse. If you don’t have a spouse then your children.  Choose wisely, but choose quickly.  You have been granted today, but tomorrow comes much faster than you think.  We often treat strangers better than the people we say we love them most.  Forgive, Give, and Bless the person you love the most and I promise it will be the best investment you can make this year.

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